Thursday, March 18, 2010

A Stream, A River, A Lake

OK! I know it has been, like, a month since I wrote anything, but friends, let me tell you....state testing time is no joke! We have successfully weathered the storm and I am thrilled to be able to tell you that Spring Break is right around the corner. WHOO-HOO!!! Because after that, folks, we have nine weeks left.
 My kids all took the state tests, and now, I can finally begin all of the fun stuff that happens in fourth grade. I kept promising them it was coming, and now it is here!!!!!!
However, allow me to tell you all that has transpired in the last month.

Friends, I promise to hit the highlights, but first of all I want to know what $&#*$(%)$ bureaucrat decided that during testing, it would be OK to have thousands of nine-year-olds sit still for a minimum of 70 minutes. Seriously. They take the test and then they have to sit there. Theoretically it gives them time to check their work several times, go back over things, etc. But I don't know ADULTS who can sit silent and still, staring into space, for at least 70 minutes. Do you? SOOOOOO frustrating. Most of the kids actually end up falling asleep. I really loved the testing day of two back to back 70 minutes testing sessions. In which they get a stretch break. for two minutes. Utterly, totally ridiculous.  Which is why, after testing, I let my kids play games until lunch. About 40 minutes.  Sorry, Connect 4, Battleship, real, actual games. They love it and they don't feel so burned out. With that said, there are many things that happen during the time between the end of the test and lunchtime.Some of the high points?

*Bad Boy yelling out in the middle of a game of Uno "Who busted a gump?" Now, if you know what that means, you are way ahead of me and I am really impressed. Apparently, it means passing gas. This statement from Bad Boy managed to get three boys into a shouting match about who, in fact, "busted".

*The nose-to-nose shouting match between two girls who either love each other to death or are at war. When I told them they were done and they were not to be near each other again, one of the told me "But I really want to work on this friendship" With what, dueling pistols?

*The Tornado Watch in the middle of the test which stopped our testing, forced us to stay in our classrooms all day (no bathroom breaks, because we would have to go outside and we were not allowed to do that) and prevented my kids from getting lunch until 1:00, 2 HOURS AFTER we normally eat. The kids had to eat in the room, and my room smelled like cafeteria beef for the next 24 hours. EWWWWW. Thankfully, I had bought Cheez-its for a snack and had leftovers in the classroom,  and a generous art teacher bought my kids snacks for after the tests and we had those. Thanks Mrs. Stone!!!!

* And finally, the piece de resistance, the ultimate, the show-stopper event -THE ACCIDENT, involving, of course, Drama Boy. Now, DB dis not test with me. He got to test with another teacher, where he spent 40 of his 70 minutes of the reading test asking her about the bar code on the front of the test. She is a saint. Now the rules of testing state that during testing, students cannot go out to the bathrooms by themselves, so we have to go as a class. I am NOT dragging my class out every 7 minutes so one person can go to the bathroom. At 10:00, DB said to me "Mrs. Lewis, I have to go to the bathroom" I said "I am sorry, DB, you will have to wait until we all go together in about 15 minutes. " He went back to happily playing games. At 10:15, we all went out and went to the bathroom. At 11:00 we went to lunch, and we went to the bathroom. At 11:40 we came back from lunch and went to the bathroom. At 12:08 we lined up to go to PE. I walked to the back of the room and saw what looked like a lake under the back table. I opened my mouth and said "Did somebody spill......." when a voice at my elbow furiously whispered "Please don't tell, please don't tell!!!!!" I looked, and it was DB, with his enormous sweatshirt wrapped around his waist. I realized that the lake had been created by him!!!!! Yes, he had managed to have an accident at the table right before we lined up. To say I was stunned is an understatement. 10 years old. Really? I told everyone to go to PE and DB and I followed quickly behind. As soon as we dropped off the class, I was going to take him to the clinic for fresh clothes. Apparently, my class does not move as fast as he would like because he kept saying to me "Hurry up! It's dripping!!!!!" I hustled everyone to PE and kept him moving smoothly towards the clinic. As we walked, I said "If it was such an emergency, why didn't you tell me?" His response? "I DID!!!!" I looked at him and said "At 10:00 this morning!!!!! It's 12:15! Are you telling me you held it for two hours even though we have been to the bathroom three times since then???!!!" His response "I told you and you said I had to wait. So I did."

I am so glad this week is over.

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